Date / Inspire

5 Traits to Look for in a Romantic Partner

I am not qualified to give dating advice.  I have never been in a relationship for +3 years.  I am no love guru or pick-up artist.  I’m not going to lie: I can be a flirt sometimes.  Other times, I am in the friend-zone.  But most of my insight comes from being a single young man with friends who vent out their frustrations.  And a crazy ex.  Through my experience, I am more familiar with what to look for in a girlfriend.

1) Partners need to understand the reality of physicality

Most people will notice physical aspects of another before anything else.  People only need a glance to judge.  We all have our shares of physical insecurities.  People might feel that our bellies aren’t flat enough, our penises aren’t long enough, or our breasts aren’t big enough.  I partially blame media and society for socializing many of us to feel that way, but that’s a different topic.

Don’t get me wrong.  There are people with high self-esteem.  But many people may not be as confident with themselves as others.

Whether or not you are comfortable with yourself, your partner should realize that physical aspects are both out of his or her control and temporary.

2) Both parties need to feel comfortable

Lately, I’ve found that the word “comfortable” is perceived negatively when used to describe relationships.  People think of no make-up and sweatpants.  People think of unoriginal, romance-less dates.  The “comfortable” I’m talking about is the ability to express oneself freely.

In sixth grade I was infatuated with this girl.  In seventh grade, I even joined the school choir in hopes of befriending her.  To my amazement, she also liked me (Like like-liked me).  I would chat online with her for hours.  But in person?  I was dead silent.  Needless to say, our “relationship” only lasted a week.  Oh, middle school.

You should feel comfortable in your partner’s presence.  You should be able to express your feelings, your likes, your dislikes, your emotions, yourself.  The same applies to your partner.  He or she needs to feel comfortable around you.


This is a hard feeling to describe.

I don’t know how many people you have kissed, but passion can be felt in a kiss.  I’m not encouraging you to kiss anybody and everybody.  I’m just saying that a kiss between two people who have a mutual passion for each other is a much different kiss that two people who don’t have any passion or only have a one-sided passion.

One can also describe it as a very strong feeling for a person for thing.  Do not get it confused with obsession.

This is the fire.  Do not be confused with infatuation.  Infatuation is only a spark, a temporary feeling.

Passion is feeling that individuals interpret for themselves.  For me, it is a unique positive feeling.  Someone I’m passionate for would give me a unique positive feeling that no one else can give me.

4) Partners need a hard-working nature

I’m going to be honest.  I wish I could say that relationships will be just like on TV.  I wish I could say you can just be like Cory and Topanga from Boy Meets World or like Ross and Rachel from Friends, but the real world is not like that.

This was my way of saying a “job” or an “income”.  A hard-working nature usually correlates to a job.  From a financial perspective, he or she would have his or her own income.  Reasons are obvious.  As you grow older in the world, you realize how much finances play a role in your life.

5) Both partners need to be at the same level and timing

Everyone is on their own path through this journey called Life.  Some people are at the point of their lives where they want a stable relationship.  Some people just want to play around a bit.  Other people might have plans to leave the area.  Others may want to start higher learning or a drastic career change.

When two people meet, they may be at different stages of their life.  Even though they both are comfortable with each other and they mesh well and everything seems perfect, they might not be ready for relationship together.  Yet.  One person may be ready for a relationship but the other may have just ended a long-term one.  One person may be ready to love but the other may have started a life in another country.

When both parties are on the same level and timing, they can fully enjoy the growth and pleasures that comes with being in a relationship.

My list isn’t entirely true.  Two of the five traits are in the partner.  The other three traits are through a shared connection between two people.  A majority of the list comes from the interactions of one with his or her partner.  Just remember that someone might be “your type”, but a relationship will not work out if your interactions are not ideal.


Vox tua, et de ideis

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